I worked with Middle School youth for a while and took a break for the past year to spend more time with my family. At the time, my job was long hours and high stress, so what I had left after that was very little in terms of time and energy. God gave me a new job and I now have the time to begin going again. I felt led to go back, but I planned on starting back up in the Fall, as I always have a better plan for my life than God does (you will being to notice that sarcasm is my friend). Since I drive my stepson to Youth Group on Wednesday I figured why not go on Wednesday anyway and hang out, I mean how deep could I get sucked back in by one week?
I have felt very led to be a part of one student's life, who was in my Dunes cabin in 2012. I had heard that he was not doing well at times and I really felt like I was the person who should be there for him. Instead of bullying my way into his life, I made a conscious choice to let God put me where I belong.
You will have to understand that this is not the usual route that I take in life. I am very independent. Like to a fault independent. I almost never trust God to put me in the right place at the right time, as I am one to try and ram my own plan down His throat. At times, I believe He allows me to do what I want and fail, but He ultimately protects me and my family from myself. Take for instance my job search. I applied many places and only received ONE response; ONE! Not to toot my own horn here, but I have solid work experience and my resume looks like a million bucks. But, again, ONE response. That response was from my new career. The one that allows me more time with my family, less stress, better benefits and less pay. The one that I never would have thought I should have. I was always focused on making more, not giving more. It was one of the first times in my life that I honestly and truly stepped out on faith by making myself not only available to God, but making myself vulnerable to Him as well (more about that later).
But, I digress....
SO, I go back to Youth Group, play my favorite game of all time (the only game that I have ever been injured at (if you don't count Chuckball or Dodgeball) called Welcome to Masquerade. You get to pick people up off of the ground with brute strength and everyone comes out sweaty and somewhat bloodied. Don't worry parents, your students likes getting tackled at full speed by a 200lb grown man, I promise. After that fiasco I again, made myself available, by asking where I was needed for small group time. The group that I met with was amazing! A hodge-podge of 8th Grade guys who should never get along let alone share personal thoughts with each other. But, somehow God just makes things work doesn't He? It also just so happens the the aforementioned student would be in this age group. Yeah, I know. Although, there is more! One of the 2 male leaders is not returning this next year and it would leave room for someone to lead the group. Freaky, isn't it?
Let's just get down to it though. I don't know if I will end up with this group or not. I might never see the student that I feel led to ever again. In fact, this might not have been about God putting me where I belong at all. I think the experience was really about vulnerability. Funny that it would be about that, as this blog makes me nervous because it too makes me vulnerable. You see, I can trust God all that I want. I can believe in Him, know what He says is truth, know that I will go to Heaven someday because of Christ. However, I never want to be vulnerable to him. What I mean by that is that I know what it's like to be let down and hurt, broken and ashamed; to put myself out there for someone who won't give back. Somehow, that worldly view tends to skew my view of what God will do as well. When I made myself vulnerable to him, He is the one the became more available to me. So backwards, but makes so much more sense now.
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