Happy Father's Day

Father's Day is always a good reminder for me of what being a father really is.  I have often felt that it's a day to reassure myself that my job to reflect God to my children, so that they will have a proper understanding of who God really is.  To be as though a lens to view God through.  If I do poorly, then they will see Him poorly.  Conversely, if I do well, their vision of God will be a positive one.  After going to church at Kessid today, I was able to achieve a much different perspective.  My job is a very singular one.  That being said, the simplest of tasks is never the easiest, are they?  My ultimate job is to be me.  To lay my life open to God and those around me in order to show my children what it's like to be a child of God, not show them God.  If they can learn to be themselves and to be dependent upon God, then they will gain the understanding of God that I have always tried so vainly to emulate.  But how?  God will be the one to show them.  He will be the one to lead them and walk them through who He really is.  Be teaching them to be open, obedient, and honest I will be allowing them to be more open to this relationship on their own.  They can then be better equipped to develop their own relationship with God and not my skewed version of who He is to apply in their own lives.  I guess the best way that we can all be fathers (and mothers) is to be broken and needy for the one who loves and created us.  We need to be wiling to show that not okay is really totally okay and that as long as we strive for God, the rest will fall into place as it should.  So dads and moms, take a break and take the time to show how not okay you really are and how much you really need God to your kids.  Maybe we can start a generation who can all start sharing their need for God and that they could share with each other how they are not okay too.  Maybe it would begin to stop the fake hallway smiles in church, or possibly it could begin to break the chains of secrecy that have been passed down through the generations.  Who knows? 

Failure IS an option

To be authentic, I suppose I must not only include my victories in my journey with God, but I must also divulge the complete and utter failures as well.  If I were to merely include all of the times I was what God wanted me to be, well this would be a rather thin Blog.  I would probably post something every six or seven days!
Today was my day to take our wonderful little dog, Lucy, to get a few shots.  We use a mobile veterinary service that doesn't cost very much, but you have to wait in line with a lot of other folks.  Today was by Orchards Feed Mill and I found myself behind 10 other people waiting to have our dog looked at.  I was in no mood to really interact with anyone, so I stayed off to the side by our car.  I did not have some terrible look on my face that told people t stay away, it was more a general ignoring of everyone around me as to not interact with others.  Don't act like you haven't done it.
A friendly man in his early to mid 60's was able to slip into my safety net and began to strike up a conversation.  As disappointed as I was to have to acknowledge another human being I managed to make eye contact.  It was at that very second that everything began to change.  As my eyes drew up from the ground, his left hand immediately caught my eye.  On top of the man's hand was what looked to be a purple blister approximately the size of a dime in diameter.  Although odd, my eyes lifted still.  When I got to his face, the large bandage on his left cheek was very noticeable.  It was around six inches long and four inches wide.  It obviously cover a large patch that was still barely bleeding.  I knew it was skin cancer.  No need to tell me.  No need to ask.  No need to get involved.
His friendly Santa Claus beard and random cuss words were actually quite charming.  Have you ever had an older man drop a few "S" bombs, but since he's an old man it turns out to be kind of cute and nostalgic?  That was this guy.  Old school and hardened; yet friendly with inviting eyes.  We spoke about our dogs for a bit and I was rather relieved that we did not dive into any really meaningful conversation.  That was until he explained that he had been an Electrician for 41 years and had "never worn a hat" during that time.  He stated that now, every time he went into the sun, he got terrible spots on his skin.  The dodctor had removed one just yesterday to see if it was cancerous or not. My spirit cried out so loudly that it could not be ignored. "Pray for him" I could feel it like it was a real voice.  I did not pray for him.  As a matter of fact, I told myself that I wouldn't; no way, not now.
Relieved to be past the hard conversation, the man walked away for a bit.  Much to my dismay however, he was back within minutes.  He spoke more about his possible cancer and I pulled back even more within myself.  I began wrestling and fighting the thing within myself begging me to pray for this man.  Finally, he was called up and I got the break I so desperately longed for.  But, they could not help his dog's particular condition, so he took the time to tell me about that on his way out.  One last chance that I ignored and fought.
As I finished with Lucy and turned my car on, the Christian music station I had left it on was still playing. "If I speak God's word with power, but have not love..." You know how it goes.  And God smacked me like a ton of bricks.  I had the opportunity to show how much faith I had in God, but I managed to stay so selfish that I passed up the opportunity to pour into someone else's life.  It would not have cost me anything.  I had the time.  Where would I go?  It would not have cost me any money.  It could have made more of a difference than money ever could.  But, I did not.  Faith without works is dead.  It exists, but it is not doing anything.  It's not breathing, living, making an impact.  It is still faith, but no one see's the buried, dead and rotting faith.  They will only see my living, breathing, loving faith.

I am NOT in control

I worked with Middle School youth for a while and took a break for the past year to spend more time with my family.  At the time, my job was long hours and high stress, so what I had left after that was very little in terms of time and energy.  God gave me a new job and I now have the time to begin going again.  I felt led to go back, but I planned on starting back up in the Fall, as I always have a better plan for my life than God does (you will being to notice that sarcasm is my friend).  Since I drive my stepson to Youth Group on Wednesday I figured why not go on Wednesday anyway and hang out, I mean how deep could I get sucked back in by one week?

I have felt very led to be a part of one student's life, who was in my Dunes cabin in 2012.  I had heard that he was not doing well at times and I really felt like I was the person who should be there for him.  Instead of bullying my way into his life, I made a conscious choice to let God put me where I belong.

You will have to understand that this is not the usual route that I take in life.  I am very independent.  Like to a fault independent.  I almost never trust God to put me in the right place at the right time, as I am one to try and ram my own plan down His throat.  At times, I believe He allows me to do what I want and fail, but He ultimately protects me and my family from myself.  Take for instance my job search.  I applied many places and only received ONE response; ONE!  Not to toot my own horn here, but I have solid work experience and my resume looks like a million bucks.  But, again, ONE response.  That response was from my new career.  The one that allows me more time with my family, less stress, better benefits and less pay.  The one that I never would have thought I should have.  I was always focused on making more, not giving more.  It was one of the first times in my life that I honestly and truly stepped out on faith by making myself not only available to God, but making myself vulnerable to Him as well (more about that later).

But, I digress....
SO, I go back to Youth Group, play my favorite game of all time (the only game that I have ever been injured at (if you don't count Chuckball or Dodgeball) called Welcome to Masquerade.  You get to pick people up off of the ground with brute strength and everyone comes out sweaty and somewhat bloodied.  Don't worry parents, your students likes getting tackled at full speed by a 200lb grown man, I promise.  After that fiasco I again, made myself available, by asking where I was needed for small group time.  The group that I met with was amazing!  A hodge-podge of 8th Grade guys who should never get along let alone share personal thoughts with each other.  But, somehow God just makes things work doesn't He?  It also just so happens the the aforementioned student would be in this age group.  Yeah, I know.  Although, there is more! One of the 2 male leaders is not returning this next year and it would leave room for someone to lead the group.  Freaky, isn't it?

Let's just get down to it though.  I don't know if I will end up with this group or not.  I might never see the student that I feel led to ever again.  In fact, this might not have been about God putting me where I belong at all.  I think the experience was really about vulnerability.  Funny that it would be about that, as this blog makes me nervous because it too makes me vulnerable.  You see, I can trust God all that I want.  I can believe in Him, know what He says is truth, know that I will go to Heaven someday because of Christ.  However, I never want to be vulnerable to him.  What I mean by that is that I know what it's like to be let down and hurt, broken and ashamed; to put myself out there for someone who won't give back.  Somehow, that worldly view tends to skew my view of what God will do as well.  When I made myself vulnerable to him, He is the one the became more available to me.  So backwards, but makes so much more sense now.

Intro... Hi!

I first need to give a shout out to Logan Thompson.  He did what I have always wanted to do in writing a book; two in fact! He told me that he originally started with a Blog and I became more than inspired in my own desire to write a book and share some of my experiences as a messed up, broken, and battered Christian.  The Holy Spirit has long given me an unsettled feeling of the need for a new style and understanding of God's church.  The idea that church is a place of rules and regulations, not to be questioned, but merely to be followed is an environment that I grew up in and is the main reason that I never liked church in the first place.  My wish is to start a movement within the Christian faith of the true free will that God has granted us through Christ.  Will I be suggesting that Christians should do whatever they want?  Hardly.  Instead, my life should be a huge "Thank you!" to the one that has given me the freedom.  But, I also want to try and break down some of the misconceptions that I see and bring you into my world, in order to maybe find something that you can relate to and apply to your own life.  A sort of trial and error on my part. Thanks for reading!